#9

The idea that someone can just stop such destructive behaviours on their own, comes from the belief that if people would just try harder, would put in more of an effort, and would exercise will power, they would be able to react sanely and normally like their peers. However, for those caught in addiction’s grip, this is not the case. What exactly goes through an addict’s mind? Something like the following: I am having an impulsive urge which I can’t control. My brain starts salivating, and I can’t stop until I get what I want no matter what it might cost me or those around me. I acquire said object. However, one is not enough. I must have more of this feeling. I will keep bingeing on the feeling until I literally cannot handle it anymore (whether that means blacking out, or losing so much money I go into debt). I will stop and feel awful about it. I will genuinely resolve that it will be different next time, that I will do better next time, and I sincerely believe that I will either severely restrict and limit myself or that I will be able to stop cold turkey. This resolve may last hours, days, weeks or even months. But eventually the craving will come back and the evil cycle will restart itself. Once I re-enter this circle, I will spiral out of control and likely won’t stop until once again either something stops me (losing consciousness, police involvement, debt) or until someone enters into the circle staging an intervention which might then get me to stop.

So if an addict is aware (and we mostly always are) that this is the vicious cycle of addiction, why do they choose to try to stop the problem themselves rather than reach out for help? I cannot speak for everyone, however here are some reasons why I personally didn’t want to ask for help.

I feared how people would view me if I told them the truth. I honestly did not think I really was that bad. I truly believed I could kick the issue myself so why trouble and worry my friends and family? I worried that I might be placed in a straight jacket, locked up, and paraded into a psych ward. I didn’t want to appear weak. I didn’t want people to think I was needy, attention seeking or causing drama. I had a reputation to uphold. I thought people were going to lecture me. I didn’t think I could trust anyone and a million other reasons I could now make up in my head.

However, here’s the truth.
There was usually only one real answer: I was afraid. I was so terrified of losing who I was and the only thing which brought me comfort that the thought of parting from this thing (regardless of how awful I knew it was) filled me with even more fear and dread. I literally would have a panic attack just thinking about what life would be like without the pills or the bottles. It is true that many people do not know how to respond to those in addiction and have said hurtful (or at the very least less than helpful things), however, in raw honesty: the biggest hurdles addicts and alcoholics usually place are upon themselves by themselves.

There are three different types of alcoholic/addicts. The first type is the person who can “take it or leave it” this is the majority of people. They may enjoy a glass of wine with their dinner, and occasionally may even get drunk, but they know their limits and are able to stop before it turns into a problem. The second type is the heavy drinker. These people may cause some harm to themselves or others through drinking, but can still usually stop on their own if there is a good enough reason for them to do so. This type MAY be able to stop through some of the white knuckling techniques though it is usually still advised they receive some type of support or therapy. The third type (which I belong to) is the Chronic Alcoholic. This type cannot successfully stop on their own or stay stopped for any significant length of time without intervention.

If you or someone you know is the third type there is hope and help available. It may seem like sobriety is all but impossible, and it likely is if someone simply wants to white knuckle all of the time. However, it is more than attainable with the right help and support. One mistake many in the recovery world make is thinking that no one can understand their pain and devastation unless they also have walked the road of addiction. While I do believe that having friends in recovery and a mentor who has also suffered from alcoholism has helped me get better, this is simply not true. I also have had so many non-addicted friends who have been genuinely compassionate towards me and greatly aided in my recovery. I have spoken to therapists/counsellors, doctors, nurses, social workers, and ministers as well and although they may not have faced addiction themselves it does not mean they can’t contribute to my experience and wellness. The first step to attaining sobriety is having a willingness to stop. It doesn’t mean you already need to have stopped, as long as there is a 1% chance you might like something better for yourself there’s still a glimmer of hope. The second step is having decided this for yourself to reach out to someone else. We cannot recover on our own, we need other people around us to support us, encourage us, and cheer us on. When we let other people into our lives and truly share all of ourselves with them, we will soon discover that recovery is not about white knuckling, rather it is about a knuckle fist pump.