#8

Yesterday I read an online article which began with a punching statement “One Quarter of Milennials Contemplated Suicide During the Pandemic.” A few minutes later, I read another article with a similarly eerie title “Drug Overdoses in Canada Have Now Exceeded Deaths By Covid.”

I am the 1 in 4, and I very well could also have become one of the drug overdose statistics. I have two other friends who are. Drug overdose is a serious topic and it’s sometimes hard to truly understand. Many people attribute the overdose to drug addiction, but then there is the school of thought which says that an overdose is a suicide attempt. So, which one is right? As someone who is recovering from addiction myself I will say it is a both/and rather than an either/or dichotomy.

 

Please allow me to take you on a journey to when I was several years younger. “I’m not going to drink today.” I would tell myself when waking up. I had a splitting headache from being on a bender the night before and I simply remember throwing up and then passing out. I’m sure it must have been fun at some point, but everything seemed to be blurred and blacked out. Glancing at the clock in my room I noticed it was now much later than I had set the alarm for. Even a coffee and a shower was not going to rid me of the awful hangover feeling. I brewed myself a cup and then stared at myself in the mirror. My eyes were vacant, my hair matted, and my complexion looked awful. I rummaged around my desk and my fingers traced the edges of a pocket sized business card. I took a deep breath and dialed the number, but hung up on the second ring.

A few minutes later, I mustered the courage to call again.
This time a sweet woman’s voice answered “can I help?” she asked.
“Ummm...yeah.” I hesitated. “I was wondering if I could speak to someone about something?”

 

“Sure” she replied gently. “How can I help?”

 

“Umm...I think I may be having a problem with drinking. I can’t seem to stop. I’ve tried different things.”

 

I looked at my to-do list. I had crossed everything out. In my early days of sobriety I was told to keep busy. The addiction window usually lasts 15 minutes. If you can delay yourself from taking drugs, drinking, gambling, shopping, binge eating or whatever for just 15 minutes the wave usually passes. However, today I was just not having it. I tried to watch a pointless comedy on Netflix. It didn’t work. I tried to take a walk around the block.No dice.I tried to write a list of reasons why I wouldn’t drink. It only made me crave even more.

 

The lady on the other end of the line gave me the number for a local support group. I thanked her. She had no idea that I had no intention at all of going to said support group. Instead, I continued to white knuckle it. In just a few short hours, there I was drunk again, gripping the side of my stomach as I spoke to God through the great white toilet throne.

 

Many people who have not walked this road, do not truly understand what it’s like to be caught in the awful jaws of addiction. Sometimes when I was drinking well meaning people would innocently ask “well, why don’t you just try beer tonight? You can’t get drunk on a cider.” Or “why don’t you just have one or two, feel the buzz and stop?” Or “Why don’t you just get high on weekends when you can rest and recover for work the next day?”

 

The truth is, that the vast majority of people are able to do this. Many people drink recreationally. Many people know their limit and are able to stop. Many people are able to go to a casino spending only the amount of money they would spend on leisure and can walk away without problems regardless of whether they win or lose. But many others cannot.(...)

 

 

 

You can read the rest of the story in the next blog post!