#7

Veteran Serving Veterans

By Rev. Wylie V. Hughes

I usually tell this story to people who wonder how a Marine war vet ended up in the pulpit as a Christian Pastor. I tell them that I found God on the battlefield, in a place, one would think, is as far from God as one could get. I tell them that God gave me a mission to heal people and that I told God if I was allowed to live through that hell on earth, I would give my life to that mission. And it came to pass that I did indeed survive, and being a man of my word, I exchanged my blood-stained uniformed for the white collar of the Ministry. But I'm telling you now, what I rarely share with my parish. Taking off that uniform proved a most difficult thing to do.

In a sense, I am still taking it off, though I have been out of the service for over 15 years. I am reminded of this during the most recent 4th of July celebrations. Honestly, I don't like them. The fireworks cause me serious anxiety. It's not so much the explosions, it's the sudden randomness of their occurrences that get me. I'm minding my business in the quiet of my home and BOOM! My heart is racing, adrenaline is pumping, I'm looking for a place to take cover, “Where is it coming from?” “Where is my rifle...?” I have to take deep, steady breathes to calm my heart rate; to remind myself that I'm safe. And this drama happens with every explosion. But I didn’t mention it to my neighbors. I didn’t want to be that one person who stifles everyone's joy.

After I shared this on social media, I received so many words of encouragement from friends and family who never knew I even dealt with such things. But what surprised me was the many responses from other war vets who endure the same thing every year. Now I realized long ago that there are veterans like myself, who are not ‘sick enough’ for special care and treatment, but still suffer from PTSD. Those are the vets who ‘slip through the cracks’ because their initial need is not deemed as urgent as others, but they still have need. And that need can only go unmet for so long until it does become urgent. But by then it’s too late. Suicide among war vets rises ever year and it’s not always the recent returnees from the battlefield. It’s the ones here at home, who have been coping for years. The ones who, like me have tried to live ‘normal’ lives but are still trying to take off that uniform. We are still trying to heal.

As a Pastor who counsels many people with many different backgrounds and issues, I am made more aware of my own war/PTSD related issues that, until recently, have been suppressed. I have been seeing a therapist to help me work through some of my issues so that they don’t negatively impact my professional and personal life. And in this experience has provided me so many tools to coping with anxieties in a healthy way. It has allowed me to be more open about the topic of mental health, which greatly facilitates my own healing.